Septimius Rookwood is pumpin' out the slaughtermatic sounds to keep you live

Looks like my father's considering taking his How to Weather Your Perpetual Embarrassment of a Son self help shtick on the road - book your parents in early to receive a free trip to the polyjuice brothel of your choice!


[Sevinique]

I hate to harm the pretty, but if you need a certain Nordic neanderthal eviscerated, just say the word.


[Didimus]

You're beautiful, whatever anyone prints about you. Or doesn't. I don't fucking care. You're mine. I lo really li Mine.


[Sex]

You know he was probably a starfish anyway, right? You and that hair of yours would have burned too bright for that pale little nihilist to appreciate.

LISA COME HERE YOUR SON IS FUCKING POSSESSED I CAN'T EVEN WHAT THE FUCK

[LISA AND SIDNEY AND DEX AND DOM AND ANYONE WHO MIGHT HELP ME PLEASE OR JUST SQUINTS REALLY HARD]

IT VOMITED.

GREEN SLIMEY SHIT.

OUT OF EVERY ORIFICE AND I THINK IT'S EYES HAVE GONE BLACK AND SOMEONE PUT DEMONS IN THIS BABY THEY WERE JEALOUS OF HIS HAIR.

WHAT IS THIS SHIT?

I am SO not breeding.

It hates me.

[Ravage, Sex, Sevenique]




















Didi said he loves me.

I don't know if I




People don't love me. Except you, and you're like obligated. Blood magic and shit.



What if I fucking love him?








What if I don't?

[HMC, non-judgemental dude- and ladyfriends]

FUCK YEAH. THREESOME, MOTHERFUCKERS.







Before you ask, no I wasn't unfucking faithful. And it wasn't my first.



But it's different when you're in l

[Didimus - French]

So, this club. What do you think? Do I go for it?

Would you be upset if I did? A room full of hot guys and they didn't invite you? Because I think they made one glaring omission, gorgeous.

[/]

I feel pretty, guys. Oh, so pretty.

[OOC: Sid and Dex were both told this in JOYOUS (slightly treipdatious-oh-Merlin-what-if-I-fuck-this-up) person before hand]

[Friends/bros/anyone that gives a damn about Sev/he gives a damn about/anyone that can tolerate him]

I totally have a boyfriend. Goddess. Paramour? Who fucking cares what the word is, I'm with Didi. Didi's with me.



Hands off, motherfuckers.

[Scorbunny]

Hear me, sugartits. I am moving back to the fucking dorm come tomorrow, and what does or doesn't happen between Albus and me is none of your fucking business. So keep you pale little patrician nose out of my Godric-damned business. You've ruined my life well enough for one year, alright?

[Gryff 6th bros, minus Albus]

I'm coming back to the dorm, okay? Pretty sure he's been butthurt long enough and even though escaping your snoring was fucking aces, I miss you guys think I'm entitled to return.

[Albus]

Look, you may not want to talk to me, but I just thought it's fair to let you know I'm coming back to the dorm, okay? Hope your Christmas and New Year were awesome without me

[Feiyi]

You know Have a good break? Hope your shopping for Edwin's gift went well.

You know I get sick of drinking tea really fucking quickly, so how's about a tarot reading after dinner tomorrow night? I wanna know

I might have some specific questions. Yeah, I know what Firenze says about expecting the signs to be interested in the blinking instances our lives, but this is kind of significant.

[Didi]

You were gorgeous as always at the Gala. So glad I went with you. Just so you know I'm moving back to my dorm but I'm pretty sure we can still get the room whenever the mood strikes us. I don't want to go there with anyone el

[/]

SCORPIUS HYPERION MALFOY MADE ME KISS HIM UNDER MISTLETOE.

[OOC: Backdated to Friday night because Jane has been super busy and wtf, there’s a lot of parents, okay? Also, if you didn’t have a PB for them, I just rated one I thought wold fit. If I missed your parent, tell me, a million apologies etc]

So, who else was fucking fascinated by Career Day? I mean most of those presentations were about as appealing as a house elf’s herpes, but Hogwarts and Guests, some of you have some stupidly sexy parents. Really, we’re bathing in a somewhat sublime genepool, and obviously, that needs to be acknowledged.

DILFs and MILFs this way.

( MILFs )


( DILFs )

[Albs, Ed can see]

I'm really, really, really, hugely, inestimably, unequivocally, unremittingly, immeasurably sorry, man. I really didn't intend to fuck shit up like that. It was just meant to be a damned joke

[RAVAGE]

If Albus kills me, all my shit is yours.

Ok, except the porn, He can have that.

I'm in the Room of Requirement for the night if you wanna come keep me company?

[Liv]

If you're not like, busy studying for NEWTs and shit, can you come hang in the Room of Requirement with me for a bit? I don't really wanna be alone and I don't think I want Didi to hear about how I fucked things up for my friend

[Dom]

Don't be ashamed of me for having remorse, okay?

[Hails]

Check it out! You're totally not the biggest fuck-up you know.

[Louis]

So, I might kind of have to temporarily promote you to best mate, because I think your cousin wants to set me on fire.

[RAVAGE]

Cut the bull shit

You can't foo

Please just tell me wWhat's wrong?

[Didi]

Did you send me something at breakfast, gorgeous? It was (literally) sweet, thanks.

[/]

[OOC: Added several hours later]

MOTHERFUCKER Who fucking does that to a bloke I'm so fucking itchy, Merlin's balls



[OOC: Added later still]

SCHOOL OWLS WON'T HIDE YOU FROM ME, DUMBFUCK. There will be a reckoning and you will learn just how many sick things my grandfather delved into

[Sidney, Albus, Dex, and Dom]

I hate everyone.

A week on and I'm still seriously impressed with the first game of the tournament. We'd best be on top form, Hogwarts, there's a pretty high foreign standard to live up to.

Nice to see the beater birds were the ones getting the knock offs. Reckon I'll be careful to stay on their good sides.

Someone tell me there's a betting pool for who'll flash the general population of the ball first. I want to see who can give Smiley Riley a run for his money.

[Sidney]

You and Quinn sort your shit, then? Or did you at least capitalise and have angry sex?

[Cousin fucker Quinn]

So, um. How's tricks, kid?

[Sol]

Figure out who wants to serenade you yet?

[Didi]

All ready for the ball, gorgeous?

[Dom]

I hear you're taking the Blonde Krumpet to the ball? Save me a bite.

Good call on Corrie, she's completely mad on old Alby's hair.

Oh, and if you need something for this shindig tomorrow, apparently I'm dabbling in accessories now. Particularly bacon flavoured.

[Ava]

Apparently I should apologise for being the only person who doesn't pander to your dumbassery. I'm sorry no one else thinks you should ever have to be confronted with something you don't agree with lest your precious little rosey-hued world view be rocked, princess. Merlin forfend.

Motherfucker!



Someone grab me some breakfast? Peeves tipped a bucket of fucking Flobberworm mucus on me and I need to go change before Divination.

[OOC: Backdated to lunch time September 24th, after this]

[Heavy private ward to Sidney Savage]
Sidney? Something went I don't know how but HELP ME

I can't not be in my own body for nine months. Holy shit, I CAN'T BE A MOTHER.
[/]


[Heavy private ward to Dexter Hawley]
What the HELL happened to the condoms? Dex? Something's gone This can't be right ARE YOU REALLY READY TO BE A FATHER? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING
[/]

[Malcolm Quinn]

Hear me, cousinfucker. You're great an alright bloke, but if she's hurt or anything happens that she doesn't want to happen, I'm going to discover all the sordid shit my grandad old Augustus did and practice it on you. Just so we're clear.

First round or eight at the Sticks is on me next Hogsmeade weekend.

Please, for the love of fuck, make her happy. She should be happy

ALRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU BINTS IN BASTARDS' CLOTHING KNOCKED ME UP?

I am NOT PREPARED FOR STRETCH MARKS, OKAY?

Have you bitches seen my legs? This shit is amazing, not to mention the tits. Best lesson ever, Hogwarts.

Fuck, I want a nipple piercing. It's what this body needs. I love these tits.

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
07:00–07:45	Breakfast	Breakfast	Breakfast	Breakfast	Breakfast
08:00–9:45	Divination				Charms [b]
10:00–11:45	Transfig [a]			Herbology [b]	DADA [b]
12:00–12:45	Lunch	Lunch	Lunch	Lunch	Lunch
13:00–14:45		Muggle Studies			Potions [b]
15:00–15:45		Multicultural Relations		Multicultural Relations
18:00–19:45	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner
21:00–22:45

SEPTIMIUS ROOKWOOD

( Application )